Way of Fixing a broken relationship

When it comes to fixing a broken relationship, one must ask themselves, "how much work am I prepared to do to put the pieces back together again?"

If you find yourself pondering that question for any length of time, there may be nothing you can do. Why? Because a relationship, or more importantly, strengthening a relationship, should not be viewed upon as work.

I know all the experts say that relationships take work, and in fact, the majority of them do. But you must remind yourself of a time when your relationship was new and how you felt during the first blossoming of that powerful emotion, LOVE.

At that time, how much work were you actually doing in the relationship? The answer is, absolutely none.

Think about if for a moment. If it required work to fall in love, how many of us would actually set about doing it? The answer is, no one would.

Here is a list of the first ten synonyms listed for the word work in the most comprehensive Thesaurus in print today: Labor, toil, exertion, effort, slavery, sweat, drudgery, grind, travail, chore

Not my idea of falling in love. Here's my recollection of how I felt when I fell in love for the first time: Warmth, passion, excitement, longing, delight, attachment, desire

You do not work towards any of those feelings and emotions, and, if you no longer think of these things when you look into your partners eyes, it may be to late to salvage what once was.

If, however, the once passionate fire has died down but there is still evidence of an ember or a spark or two, it is not to late to fan the flames of desire back into a towering inferno of love!

Pardon the metaphors, but I want you to get a sense of the emotions that have to be involved for a relationship to actually, dare I say it, work.

I want you to try an exercise for me and I want you to answer the following question with as much honesty as you can muster:

When you think about your partner, what are the first eight defining words that come to mind?

Go ahead, take a moment or two and write down the first words that come to mind when you ask yourself that question. It's important not to "think" to hard about this because your rational mind will try and make excuses for what you may actually be feeling and you will be left with an inaccurate picture of your relationship.

Now, look at the words you have written down and put them into one of two categories. Good feelings and emotions or Bad feelings and emotions.

I think you have some idea already of how you feel about your relationship and if you have more words in the Bad column than you do in the Good column, I would consider long and hard just why you are still in the relationship. It is extremely difficult to work at "feeling" differently and your fire may have long since died out.

If however, you still have many good things to say about you partner and you can recognize that it just may be your life that's getting in the way of love, happiness and fulfillment, you actually have a great chance at rekindling that love.

You need help though. Even the most passionate relationships can use a splash of fuel from time to time to keep the fires burning. There are many resources and experts out there that you can choose from to provide you and your partner with high octane ideas that will help keep your relationship hot and steamy.

MISTAKES NAIJA GIRLS MAKE IN BED

1) Dont Fake It
Its no secret men love women who have orgasms but faking it to please them only robs you of the pleasure you deserve to have. Besides, if he think he is doing it right, it only makes him repeat the same style that achieved the fictitious result, and only takes you further away from actually having orgasms with him. What a shame. If its your first time together, then, get off to an honest beginning. If you dont have an orgasm, and he asks if you did, be honest and tell him the truth. The more you like him, the more honest you need to be with him.

2) Show & Tell
Men can't read women's feelings like their palm. If you are not having orgasms with him, show and tell your man what he needs to do, and dont be afraid of appearing too liberated. Men love a challenge, especially this one, and a real man admires woman who can talk her way through it. Give honest feedback and lead him to the finish line. Its difficult to please a woman who cannot please herself. If you dont know what to tell him, and you dont masturbate, please start, and do use a normal size prop without electricity (if yours doesnt have batteries). When you find the spot, action, intensity, or combination that works, tell him what it is, and how well you both can work on that together until you both make "fireworks" from your energy. I call that recreation at its finest.

3) Connect
If you both are connected emotionally, the experience can last as long as you want it to last, and it can be everything you both want it to be. Due to abandonment and other issues, some women go out of their way to disconnect. This behavior may protect your heart but will do nothing to your sexual experiences. Intimacy is not sex and sex is not intimacy, but intimate sex can be wonderful. If you have abandoned issues, try this: Say to yourself I may not love you tomorrow but right now I love you more than anyone I've ever known. Now connect and give yourself to him. You just might have the orgasm of your life and he may too.

4) Dont Kick the Dog
Rejection in lovemaking is the worst of all things. Men are so much like puppies. Imagine coming home after a long day and your puppy bounces to the door with the most affectionate greeting, but rather than kneeling to shower him with love and affection, you kick the poor doggy. How often do you think that needs to happen before the little guy slows his approach and finally stops greeting you altogether? The same goes for men. Unless you want him to lose interest, and that can happen quite easily, find the energy to get yourself into it, each time and forever.

5) Your Sex Drive
The only difference between a great friendship and romance is sex. In matchmaking, I try to match sex drives right along with all of the other stuff. When I interview men and women, I ask them to tell me a number from one to ten, lowest to highest, of how often they like to have sex per week. While a four and a six will usually work things out, a four and a seven likely wont, and neither will a two and a five, let alone a two and a seven. Save yourself six months in a relationship going nowhere. At the earliest point possible, mention your sex drive in a conversation so you two are on the same page.
Note: Contrary to popular belief, most women have very awesome and healthy sex drives.

(6) Think Beyond The Bed
That mattress is for sleeping, and occasionally for sex, but if your sex life is boring, you are probably horizontal way too much. Find different places in the apartment, and find different places other than the apartment. Elevators, staircases, bathrooms and boardrooms are only the beginning. Always be on the lookout for a great place to take your lover, and if you are creative, surprise him by leading him to the spot you discovered. Guess what sweetheart? I found a new spot. Now get over here. Think 9 Weeks to make your love life last a lifetime.

(7) Take the Lead
Men love it when women initiate sex. secondly they feel desired and totally gets turned on when women initiate sex.

(8) Go for an Oscar
Not all women enjoy giving oral sex. The few ones who it do make their man feel like they'd do it for as long as they wanted. You don't rush it. Your man is always happy when you wait for him to signal you that he's ready for it. The result is that a man feels better connected to his woman, which will make the main event last longer and nice for you as well. If you are one of the women who does not enjoy giving oral sex, it would be in your best interest to pretend you are going for an Academy Award for Best Actress in an Action Thriller.

9) Lets Talk or Not
People are split on the subject of talking during sex. Many can go either way. Try to find out early what your partner likes and doesnt like when it comes to talking like "I have a client that I introduced to a devout Catholic Italian Countess. They were in Saint Barths for their second rendezvous (their first was in Paris) when she mentioned to him every day how difficult it still was for her (at 32 years old) to escape the guilt of having sex. Midweek he called me for advice. Maybe she is hinting at what she really wants, bla bla bla. Try whispering "you are such a bad boy" while you are making love and and dont let your sex conversation distract his attention. Sex is about pleasing your partner, and if everybody felt that way, wed all be a lot happier. Of course, life would be a lot easier too if you would simply ask your man what he would like to hear or not hear.

10) Get In Sync
If you've just started fooling around, and he caresses your hair or something innocuous like that, don’t moan like you are being ravaged by a minotaur. Melodrama during sex is highly annoying. On the other hand, if you are in sync, anything goes including all the sound effects of a jungle. And if one of you does something silly, go ahead and laugh so you both will. After all, were doing it for the fun, right?